


This Is Not A Dream

by Oneandonlylila



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: All Pain, Bucky Barnes Angst, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Choking, Face Punching, Heavy Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, No Fluff, No Smut, Partial Mind Control, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 16:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7515544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oneandonlylila/pseuds/Oneandonlylila
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Bucky", the stranger barely made out, gasping for breath when his plates shifted and his hand tightened around his victim's throat. "It's...me...Steve". The words were hardly audible and Bucky was pushing his metal fingers into the stranger's, Steve's, windpipe.  </p><p>He was looking into Steve's eyes, and something in them sparked familiarity, but he pushed it deep down. </p><p>****<br/>Bucky has his worst episode yet, waking up as the Winter Soldier and almost choking Steve to death. Coming to realize what he's doing, "You're scared of me...arent you?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is Not A Dream

**Author's Note:**

> This is another ficlet inspired by a prompt from a list of them: “You’re scared of me… aren’t you?”   
> ~  
> I also used some lyrics from the songs Gasoline, Control, and Colors by Halsey because those songs cause me otp pain :)  
> ~  
> My best friend texted me after reading "YOUR FICLET MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM" and "YOU'RE A TERRIBLE PERSON" so that gives me confidence I did a decent job at portraying sadness. 
> 
> Happy reading lovelies

It was two in the morning when Bucky woke up. He had been curled up against someone's chest, their legs tangled together and the stranger had an arm around Bucky's middle, holding him close. He woke up confused and startled, not knowing where he was or why he was in the same bed as this blonde, strong armed guy. He jumped out of the bed, waking up the strange person.  

"Bucky, what the hell?" The stranger complained in a husky voice, rubbing his eyes with a groan. He couldn’t understand why the sound of this guy's voice was making his stomach do turns. He didn’t like it.  

"Who are you?" He asked with venom in his tone.  

Before Bucky could even realize, the blonde was standing up, his arms reaching out toward Bucky and was slowly walking toward him. The moonlight shining through the window allowed Bucky to realize there was concern and worry in his face. He didn’t like it.  

It only took Bucky a few seconds to have this person held up against the wall by his metal arm, the stranger's feet dangling and his eyes blown wide with surprise.  

"Bucky", the stranger barely made out, gasping for breath when his plates shifted and his hand tightened around his victim's throat. "It's...me...Steve". The words were hardly audible and Bucky was pushing his metal fingers into the stranger's, Steve's, windpipe.  

He was looking into Steve's eyes, and something in them sparked familiarity, but he pushed it deep down.  

Steve's hands were wrapped around Bucky's wrist, trying to loosen the pressure off his throat. "You know me... You're my..." Before he was able to finish, Bucky pulled him back and slammed him into the wall, all with his metal hand tightly around his neck. Steve was gasping for air again, not making a sound.  

"You're nothing to me," Bucky spat in Steve's face. There was a flash of something in Steve's eyes that Bucky couldn’t quite place. The more he looked at this man's face, the more he began to realize he was starting to loosen up his grip.   

 _Y_ _ou_ _cant_ _wake up. This is not a dream._  

Bucky let go of Steve and shook his head like he was trying to clear it of something. Steve was able to catch his breath, bending over and taking deep breaths.  

 _You're part of a machine. You are not a human being._  

"Buck" Steve was reaching out a hand, bringing it close to his face. Before it could make contact, he stepped back and an actual growl escaped his lips. It took Steve by surprise.  

 _Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline._  

"These voices won't leave me alone", Bucky whispered, mostly to himself. He fell to the floor on his knees and put his head in his hands. "Why do I want to hurt you. I don’t even know you."  

"Shh, shh. It's gonna be alright." Steve whispered, walking toward Bucky and knelt down in front of him.  

"NO! No..." Something clicked in Bucky's head, and he swept Steve off his feet, climbing on top of him and punched him once, twice, another, before he stopped in mid air.  

"Bucky, please stop! Youre -"  

He wanted this, this person he apparently was supposed to know, to shut the fuck up. He put both his hands on Steve's throat once again. He spotted bruises that had already begun to form on his neck, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He didn’t know this man.  

Bucky stared at the man under him, looking at every inch of his face, his high cheekbones, his sharp jaw line, his plump lips, his beautiful blue eyes staring back at him. Those blue eyes were full of so many different emotions: fear, worry, sorrow.  

It was gone as fast as it had came. He loosened his grip on Steve and whispered, "You're scared of me... aren't you?"  

He looked at Steve's neck, lips parted and a cry threatening to rise in his throat. He ran his metal fingers across the bruises beginning to color on his neck, a perfect hand easily seen wrapped around. His eyes began to well.  

Steve reached up to wipe the tears beginning to fall and then grabbed Bucky's hand from tracing the bruises on his throat. Pulling his metal hand to his lips, Steve kissed his fingers.  

Bucky pulled his hand back and let his hair fall, framing his face and hiding it somewhat from Steve's view. "I can't stand the person inside of me. You should be scared of me. I don’t know who's in control. Me? Or the machine they created inside of me." He put his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking and visible sobs erupting from him.  

Steve sat up slowly, wrapping his arms around Bucky and pulling him close, cradling him like a baby. Bucky looked up at Steve through his hair and bit his lip to hold back another cry. He reached up and touched Steve's left eye, which was beginning to swell and blacken.  

"Stop", Steve whispered and swept Bucky's hair away from his face. "Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are. You may be ripped at every edge, but to me you're a masterpiece. You're my Bucky". He kissed Bucky's forehead and tucked his head under his chin.  

"I love you, flaws and all," Steve whispered before he got comfortable against the wall with Bucky in his arms and they both drifted off to sleep.   


End file.
